Breakdowns for Breakthroughs
At 4a.m. yesterday, I found myself awake in the worst physical state I have EVER been in.
I truly thought that I was suffering an aneurysm. My head felt like it had a bullet in it and the experience truly was Hell.
With that said, once again, a miracle occurred.
For the first time in my experience of physicality, I nursed myself through it. And, while I am still being "nagged at". I have moved this experience into a state of grace.
In a quest of now turning my "why's" into "what's", I found that state.
While "Donna" was losing it, Spirit was nursing it. I truly did lose my "mind" and it has now been truly found.
I came down to the couch and broke down. I began to ask "what". "What" is it that I am supposed to be learning through this experience. I screamed it. Ego was having the biggest hissy fit in her life. However, it was at thst moment that Spirit broke through.
I could actually see myself having the experience. The Spirit within that is connected to all said this to Donna:
"Dear God, please have mercy on this human's experience, it is now too much for her to bear".
I kept repeating "I am a Spiritual being having a human experience". And suddenly Spirit whispered. "Work THROUGH this, not around it." and, of course, Spirit bore the truth of the matter. For I have always wanted it chased away and never EVER worked through it. Ever.
And yesterday, for the first time I moved through it. My dear husband (who I woke up with my cries to Creator) came down and asked me what was going on. My reply was "make it stop, I can't handle this anymore". So Spirit moved and here's what happened.
I asked my husband for my sleep medication in order to go back to sleep, because it is truly what has been lacking in this experience, but has played an important role. Then I asked my husband to put on the "Bishop's Wife" so I could soothe my soul while awaiting for things to dissipate. Asking for help was all I needed to do. Help to breathe through it, allowing it to happen and nurturing self through the entire space of a migraine, which is still sort of there at this point, but in a much more manageable space.
I haven't always been good at asking for what I require, and I believe I have finally allowed that state of grace to occur. And, while it might have been through snivelly sobbing, I asked. Not only from those There, but those Here. And I am recovering from the "bullet in my head".
The breakdown for breakthrough.
Along this path that even led me to Changeways (Change Ways - how true), the lesson was driven further home. I was unable to attend class and had spoken the day before to the Course Leader about my physical experience and my commitment to the material. I have been working through it and was about to miss my first class in the series thanks to migraine.
Yesterday's material, which I covered from home had the biggest piece of my human puzzle EVER.
All my life, I have seen the "worst" in outcomes in my head. Yesterday's lesson was about seeing the experience, whatever it is, straight through to the end. THE END.
I have been in my head (Ego) seeing the worst possible outcome. The end. The end of my human existence because it has appeared that bad. I have been living a lie and it is time to release that belief. It serves no purpose whatsoever.
So there I was, through the worst part and the biggest hissy fit, breathing and allowing the experience. It was after that point that I felt strong enough to pick up the material and there it was.
Worry to the End. And it couldn't be any truer for me than this space.
At that moment, I envisioned the same scenario I have travelled on, only this time I took it to the True End. Me coming out the other side, vibrant, healthy, truly joyful, and able to do my work and fulfill my mission. I had walked through the experience for the first time in my life, in a state of grace.
For, moving through it, I have uncovered the lie and walked into the truth.
I would not be able to do my job without any of the experiences that have occurred over a lifetime. But now I had moved all of them into a state of grace (acceptance). For in them have been valuable things.
How would I be able to look in a "victim's" eyes and say "I am sorry for that experience, I share it too."
How would I be able to handle teenagedom (new word) without being such a shithead teenager myself.
How would I be able to look into a "user's" eyes and say, "It is such a tricky road to release". If I hadn't experienced it also.
How would I be able to look into a mother's eyes whose lost her child whether through miscarriage or passing and say "It is such a great loss and is such hardship to bear" without experiencing it myself.
How would I be able to look into someone's eyes and say "I understand your pain" without experiencing it first.
I wouldn't be able to help guide someone through their experience without any of the experiences myself. I truly understand it. For experience is the greatest teacher of all down Here.
I am blessed to be able to take it that one step further in my ability.
For, through experience, and the gift I have received from Source in the form of truly "seeing", I am able to help those who are in need.
I am able to reach out to anyone and everyone, everywhere in the truest way to reach out of all.
Love. Pure and Unconditional Love. For I am seeing with my "Greater" eyes now.
The Spiritual Being having a human experience who has been"chosen" to love this planet in order to help create Heaven on Earth.
May you find your "peace" of Heaven.
I have.
And even if Ego kicks up, for we do need it, I see it now for what it truly is.
A lion to be tamed.
As Russell Crowe stated in one of his movies "Rise and Rise again until Lions Become Lambs"
And, as the Bible states in Isaiah 11:6
"The wolf shall dwell with the lamb, and the leopard shall lie down with the young goat, and the calf and the lion and the fattened calf together; and a little child shall lead them."
Wolf = Ego
Lamb = True or Authentic Self
At 4a.m. yesterday, I found myself awake in the worst physical state I have EVER been in.
I truly thought that I was suffering an aneurysm. My head felt like it had a bullet in it and the experience truly was Hell.
With that said, once again, a miracle occurred.
For the first time in my experience of physicality, I nursed myself through it. And, while I am still being "nagged at". I have moved this experience into a state of grace.
In a quest of now turning my "why's" into "what's", I found that state.
While "Donna" was losing it, Spirit was nursing it. I truly did lose my "mind" and it has now been truly found.
I came down to the couch and broke down. I began to ask "what". "What" is it that I am supposed to be learning through this experience. I screamed it. Ego was having the biggest hissy fit in her life. However, it was at thst moment that Spirit broke through.
I could actually see myself having the experience. The Spirit within that is connected to all said this to Donna:
"Dear God, please have mercy on this human's experience, it is now too much for her to bear".
I kept repeating "I am a Spiritual being having a human experience". And suddenly Spirit whispered. "Work THROUGH this, not around it." and, of course, Spirit bore the truth of the matter. For I have always wanted it chased away and never EVER worked through it. Ever.
And yesterday, for the first time I moved through it. My dear husband (who I woke up with my cries to Creator) came down and asked me what was going on. My reply was "make it stop, I can't handle this anymore". So Spirit moved and here's what happened.
I asked my husband for my sleep medication in order to go back to sleep, because it is truly what has been lacking in this experience, but has played an important role. Then I asked my husband to put on the "Bishop's Wife" so I could soothe my soul while awaiting for things to dissipate. Asking for help was all I needed to do. Help to breathe through it, allowing it to happen and nurturing self through the entire space of a migraine, which is still sort of there at this point, but in a much more manageable space.
I haven't always been good at asking for what I require, and I believe I have finally allowed that state of grace to occur. And, while it might have been through snivelly sobbing, I asked. Not only from those There, but those Here. And I am recovering from the "bullet in my head".
The breakdown for breakthrough.
Along this path that even led me to Changeways (Change Ways - how true), the lesson was driven further home. I was unable to attend class and had spoken the day before to the Course Leader about my physical experience and my commitment to the material. I have been working through it and was about to miss my first class in the series thanks to migraine.
Yesterday's material, which I covered from home had the biggest piece of my human puzzle EVER.
All my life, I have seen the "worst" in outcomes in my head. Yesterday's lesson was about seeing the experience, whatever it is, straight through to the end. THE END.
I have been in my head (Ego) seeing the worst possible outcome. The end. The end of my human existence because it has appeared that bad. I have been living a lie and it is time to release that belief. It serves no purpose whatsoever.
So there I was, through the worst part and the biggest hissy fit, breathing and allowing the experience. It was after that point that I felt strong enough to pick up the material and there it was.
Worry to the End. And it couldn't be any truer for me than this space.
At that moment, I envisioned the same scenario I have travelled on, only this time I took it to the True End. Me coming out the other side, vibrant, healthy, truly joyful, and able to do my work and fulfill my mission. I had walked through the experience for the first time in my life, in a state of grace.
For, moving through it, I have uncovered the lie and walked into the truth.
I would not be able to do my job without any of the experiences that have occurred over a lifetime. But now I had moved all of them into a state of grace (acceptance). For in them have been valuable things.
How would I be able to look in a "victim's" eyes and say "I am sorry for that experience, I share it too."
How would I be able to handle teenagedom (new word) without being such a shithead teenager myself.
How would I be able to look into a "user's" eyes and say, "It is such a tricky road to release". If I hadn't experienced it also.
How would I be able to look into a mother's eyes whose lost her child whether through miscarriage or passing and say "It is such a great loss and is such hardship to bear" without experiencing it myself.
How would I be able to look into someone's eyes and say "I understand your pain" without experiencing it first.
I wouldn't be able to help guide someone through their experience without any of the experiences myself. I truly understand it. For experience is the greatest teacher of all down Here.
I am blessed to be able to take it that one step further in my ability.
For, through experience, and the gift I have received from Source in the form of truly "seeing", I am able to help those who are in need.
I am able to reach out to anyone and everyone, everywhere in the truest way to reach out of all.
Love. Pure and Unconditional Love. For I am seeing with my "Greater" eyes now.
The Spiritual Being having a human experience who has been"chosen" to love this planet in order to help create Heaven on Earth.
May you find your "peace" of Heaven.
I have.
And even if Ego kicks up, for we do need it, I see it now for what it truly is.
A lion to be tamed.
As Russell Crowe stated in one of his movies "Rise and Rise again until Lions Become Lambs"
And, as the Bible states in Isaiah 11:6
"The wolf shall dwell with the lamb, and the leopard shall lie down with the young goat, and the calf and the lion and the fattened calf together; and a little child shall lead them."
Wolf = Ego
Lamb = True or Authentic Self
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