In honor of The Canucks - Please Believe

So, I'm going to start off by saying that those that know me, know me to be a perfectly sane human being.  I get up, I wash my hair, and I go to work on a regular basis.  However, I am known to be somewhat animated. 

This gets me to my Dear Canucks.  For I need to start at the beginning in order for this to be clear.

So, there I was sitting in my usual spot, in my cozies, watching the game.  The score became 2-0 and I just couldn't watch it anymore.  Wouldn't you know I took my animated self out the door to a dear friend's home (one of my Fab Four) because I couldn't stand myself screaming at the television anymore (and for that matter neither could be my husband).

Well, wouldn't you know the most amazing thing has happened.  As you all know, I am a Medium.  Like it or Lump it, I truly do see loved ones family who have passed on.  It drives me crazy when I feel the need to not talk about it because "I fear" what other people will think.  Well.  Guess what?  Not that long ago, knowing what I was able to do, and as discussed in a previous blog, I set up a signal with my dad so he would let me know when he was around.   I picked the most outrageous song "F'in Perfect" by Pink. 

One day I said to dad.  "Okay, here's the deal dad.  I miss you, and sometimes I need to know that you're around.  So, I'm picking 'F'in Perfect' by Pink".  And here's where I say we must get specific when requesting to hear from our loved ones passed. "What I ask you to do dad, is pick it in an instant, not in a playlist".  And I spoke about how I wanted it to be on the radio/satellite/insertwhateverfandangledgadgethere when I first stepped into the car and turned the key on, or if I walked into a store and it was playing.  That is pretty specific if you ask me. 

And so, yep, you guessed it.  As I stepped into the car after stepping out from the visit, guess what played?  THE SONG.

As an aside, just knowthat I adore that I have this ability.  Only because I don't have to worry about seeing my dad in my sleep.  I rarely get people in my sleep.  It's because they are with me in the daytime.  Matter of fact, I am never truly alone.  That's why I shut down for awhile.  I'm still learning the delicate balance.  So, now that I'm back in better shape then ever.  Here we go.

So anyways, as I was driving home I noticed something.  Noticed something very unusual.  There were people driving cars around with Canuck's flags (ours included), people out on their lawns with sullen faces and Canucks gear on, clearly lamenting the woes of the last two games, and the worry over whether they do what I firmly BELIEVE they can do.  I realized I was feeling in that slump, and feeling in that slump looking at other people in a slump means but one thing.  It is time to believe.

What we need to stop and realize, is that sometimes, all we need is a little faith.   A faith in ourselves.  A faith in others.  And right now, of the utmost importance, FAITH IN THE CANUCKS. 

Regardless of who might be your favorite team in the United States or anywhere, it is time to BELIEVE in our "hometown boys".  I have faith. 

I have faith that I know that was my dad sending me a message for everyone to believe that he is around and we truly can communicate with our passed  loved ones.

I also know that of anyone, my dad was the biggest wagonhopper.  I like the Canucks, I don't like the Canucks.  At Game two of the Finals, my brother and his girlfriend "Brought" dad along for a ride.  Shortly after they "brought dad out" to sit on a knee, you scored the tie goal taking it to overtime.  Then it came time for overtime.  Dad came out, and Burrows made that beautiful wraparound.

He would have wanted to be there after watching you guys play this year.  You are our CANADIAN team. And now you need us now, more than ever.

I will tell you this one thing.  I have watched you now for four years Dear Canucks (and thanks to my amazing newest members known as my in-laws).  And I will never stop being your fan.  You have played one hell of a Season. 

I Believe.

Finding Wellness

The past several weeks have found me sitting down to my blog, trying to force something out.  Truth is, I really haven't been able to.  For more than just the obvious "I don't know what to write".  You see, I am in the process of making a comeback to good health, and it has been nothing shy of brutal.  I have lost significant use of my hands, and the pain I've been experiencing has been nothing shy of crazymaking.  At the moment, I am processing the fact that I have a new "normal" - whatever that means, as we all know there is no such thing as the god forsaken word "normal".

It turns out that while it is a good thing when a Specialist comes looking for you, it is also never a good thing when the Specialist is looking for you.  Oxymoron or what?  You see, there have been ongoing discussions of Fibromyalgia, Ankylosing Spondylitis (AS), and now we have a definitive "It is NOT Fibromyalgia".  When I saw the Rheumatoid Specialist for the first time, she quickly tried to shove me through the door of Fibro, despite having the antigen for AS.  Now I've managed to add a new one to the mix which is going to mean more tests to find out the why of the newest diagnosis.

It turns out I have Vitamin D deficiency to the point that it has probably been well over a year of operating in that way.  This means a whole new battery of tests from bone density scans to MRI screening for MS, of all the bastard things.  Unfortunately, when the Specialist's office called, I was ordered to start the highest recommended doseage of Vitamin D and an appointment was set up to see the Specialist in two and a half weeks.  Nothing else was discussed as it was the assistant, and we all know only Dr.'s are only allowed to discuss results.

My journey over the past several months has been nothing shy of challenging to say the least, and it has led me to come out kicking and screaming for me.  Toxicity hurts.  Whether it be food, people or habits, I have had to make a choice to cut out alot of toxins from my life.

Having started the process over a month ago food-wise, turning to a low to no starch diet has resulted in some ease of symptoms and an astonishing 10 pound weight loss (don't worry, I look skinnier than I am and sit at the bottom of the BMI category I fit into - optimal).  Turning to more whole foods (which we should be doing anyways) and less processed foods was a tough process at first (me, no bread?  what?), but the fight through the first week was won by..........me!  From then on in it's been a little give and take on the processed stuff (who doesn't want pizza for a hockey game), but overall, the process is one I am winning.  Now if we can figure out why I have become a human baroreceptor that feels EVERY single pressure change, I would be truly grateful.

Knowing that I have also had a series of personal blows, it has led me to a place of making the choice to surround myself with people that are healthful and not harmful to me.  Having bad personal habits myself when it comes to being more of a follower than a leader, and having a hard time saying no, I have finally had several incidents occur in the past several years that have left me no choice to learn the art of "No".  I come first.  I have to.  Ultimately, we all have to make that choice.  For without self, we are somebody else.  An impostor.

This had led to severing of ties with people and things that are harmful or hurtful to me.  It is an extremely healthy place for me to be, and I don't know that I have ever felt better when it comes to choices I make in my life.  Having finally smartened up and adhered to the "bells and whistles" that go off and using my amazing bullshit meter, has met with great success.

What we must learn through the challenging times is to never back down.  NEVER.  Especially when it comes to our health.   Physically, spiritually, and emotionally.

Finding wellness can mean making difficult decisions, but means never compromising self.  In this world where doctors treat many symptoms and usually never the underlying issue, we must choose to be advocates for our wellness.  Vitamin D deficiency doesn't "just" happen.  Especially to someone who loves Vitamin D rich foods such as milk, eggs, and cheese.  So while there are more glorious hurdles to jump, I edge closer and closer to an answer, and not an "it's all in your head".

Finding wellness isn't easy.  I'm working on it.  And with a little help from the Universe and my care team, I will get the answers I need.  Regardless of what the end result is, I have learned the art of "no" in all aspects of my life.  "No, I will not accept your bad behavior", "No" it is not all in my head (and I have the proof in the blood tests) and "No" to the ever lovely "I don't know" as an answer...........

"No" is such a beautiful word, isn't it?