So, a few days back I took a run at the boys, and it seems only fair to do the same to all these little girls running around in women's clothing. And, I say that if you take offense (like I heard so many males did with my post, that it's okay, because I'm uncovering your shit if you get offended), then you had better take a good long look at what you're doing and consider a tweak (not a twerk) or two.
The only reason I feel safe in calling you on shit is because I call myself out all the time, and I am always open to being called out by others. It is where true growth begins (and I wish people would have done it sooner rather than later in my life, but I am sure glad it's happened). I have been "that girl" and I want to help prevent "those girls".
You see, I consider myself a later bloomer. I finally started coming into my own around then and setting some really healthy boundaries in my life about what is, or is not, acceptable in my life.
So here's the deal, grow up!
From about 20 forward we all start to settle into our new brains and this is an admonishment to pay attention sooner rather than later. Trust me, you will be so grateful that you have done yourself that favor.
Unfortunately, life, and in particular for women, hands real curveballs in the form of mental and physical abuse (and yes this happens to males too, and far more often than, unfortunately, males want to admit and its part of what gets in the road for them these days too). It messes with a head. And it goes something like this.
If we are among the abused, whether it is physically or emotionally, it is what we get used to at a young age. We learn that being treated like crap is the only way we feel we deserve. Wrong answer!
As a little girl, I was one of the abused, and from the time I was 5 until 8, I never used my voice to tell someone what was going on. I carried it with me until I was around 22, when I finally told my mom. It fucked with my head. Add to this a deemed, on my part, emotional abandonment when puberty kicked in, and enter daddy/men issues. Add to this all those fluffy movies that urge us to look for our Prince Charming who will come in and save the day, and you have yourself one hell of an emotional mess.
But eventually, through time, and experience (some good, and some not so), I brought nyself to a place of womanhood where the only person I looked to save me is ME!!!!!
Listen up ladies, nobody is responsible for your happiness but you. I get that when we enter into a relationship we have asked our Prince Charming to save the day for us, but it's not very fair if we put that on them now, is it? NO!
The abused becomes sexualized or demoralized (verbally) and feels that sex, or being verbally abused, is the only way we can get someone to love us. And, as we get older, we start to shift into that space where we recognize that sex doesn't bring us emotionally closer. Getting closer emotionally brings us to sex.
We can't run around putting out and expecting a different result if we haven't set the standard first. We all are a privilege not a right. But because us ladies tend to run around in our "daddy issues", we wreak havoc on everyone else's life.
NOBODY IS GOING TO SAVE YOU BUT YOU! Time to put on your cape and become your own superhero!
So, here's what it looks like if you want to have happy, healthy relationships, with men and women alike. (Insert this is a really, REALLY good article for young folks, and so is the previous one as far as I'm concerned).
1) Stop dressing like your 16, and dress your age (and if you're 16, try dressing like a lady. Sexy is a confidence space, not a slutty clothes space - insert there is nothing wrong with dressing sexy, but there's a difference between slutty and sexy). Guys see tits and ass and that's how they are going to see you. Show them your brains, your talents (outside the bedroom), and what values you hold dear in your life.
2) Stop putting out after the first, second, or third date and beyond. Hell, my husband didn't get there until we were three months in and he had been screened by friends and family (I had to learn to trust my judgment). A space of intimacy is truly "into me see". You can't tell what someone is like even after three months, but you sure can get a general idea. And, if you are knowingly walking into a one night stand, don't you dare for one minute think that because you have put out the guy is going to change his mind. This RARELY works, and you have just set yourself up for selling yourself short.
3) Start getting to know you. What do you like? What don't you like? What do you value in yourself? Another person? A relationship? What talents do you have? What are your strengths? What are your weaknesses?
4) Don't think that getting yourself knocked up is going to keep a man. Trust me, it rarely ever works and now you are left with a tie to someone that doesn't love you. Sound like fun? Whether you are 14 or 45, it DOESN'T work! And stop saying, "I accidentally got pregnant". All of the tools to prevent pregnancy are available to anyone! You got yourself knocked up for your own selfish reasons without any forethought to the implications and longstanding impact.
5) You have the right to say, "No", to anything or anyone that devalues you.
6) Stop being so bloody nice! If there are unacceptable behaviors going on in yourself, or others, speak up! We don't have to be the mothers and wives of yore who put up with it because the man makes the money. We are no longer cattle and should no longer allow others to treat us as such. If you are out on a first or second date, and you are getting bad vibes....RUN! Unless, of course, you want a life lesson, which can be valuable too, but be smart enough to know when someone leaves a sinking/sick feeling in your belly, that's the "bad vibe" and the Universe trying to tell you, "Don't do it unless you want to get hurt."
7) Start taking responsibility for the choices YOU are making!! And I have a PRIME example of this in an extended family member. This young lady got herself knocked up early for the sake of trying to keep a man and has been running to mommy and daddy ever since, or boyfriend du jour, because she can't get her financial shit (or relationship shit for that matter too) together because it's "everybody else's" fault. (I get it, we have all needed help, and we should be able to turn to family in times of need, but it should not be an EXPECTED space and we should want some drive to handle our own financial matters). GROW UP! We all make choices from the time we are little, and it's up to ourselves and our parents to create awareness that our choices land us exactly where we are at. So stop lying to yourself, lying to others, and take a really, REALLY good look at what YOU are doing to create the situation you are in.
8) Stop selling yourself short! We (notice WE, not they) are running around allowing society to tell us how we should look, feel or be. We are all individual beings with our own individual flare. Some of us are big, some of us are small, and some of us have started not to give a care at all!
This is my wish and hope for you....be yourself, express your needs, and say "No" to anything or anyone that diverts you from your course.
So get your big girl panties on and turn yourself into the Goddess you so rightly deserve to be and stop blaming others for your unhappiness!
Nuf Said!
The only reason I feel safe in calling you on shit is because I call myself out all the time, and I am always open to being called out by others. It is where true growth begins (and I wish people would have done it sooner rather than later in my life, but I am sure glad it's happened). I have been "that girl" and I want to help prevent "those girls".
You see, I consider myself a later bloomer. I finally started coming into my own around then and setting some really healthy boundaries in my life about what is, or is not, acceptable in my life.
So here's the deal, grow up!
From about 20 forward we all start to settle into our new brains and this is an admonishment to pay attention sooner rather than later. Trust me, you will be so grateful that you have done yourself that favor.
Unfortunately, life, and in particular for women, hands real curveballs in the form of mental and physical abuse (and yes this happens to males too, and far more often than, unfortunately, males want to admit and its part of what gets in the road for them these days too). It messes with a head. And it goes something like this.
If we are among the abused, whether it is physically or emotionally, it is what we get used to at a young age. We learn that being treated like crap is the only way we feel we deserve. Wrong answer!
As a little girl, I was one of the abused, and from the time I was 5 until 8, I never used my voice to tell someone what was going on. I carried it with me until I was around 22, when I finally told my mom. It fucked with my head. Add to this a deemed, on my part, emotional abandonment when puberty kicked in, and enter daddy/men issues. Add to this all those fluffy movies that urge us to look for our Prince Charming who will come in and save the day, and you have yourself one hell of an emotional mess.
But eventually, through time, and experience (some good, and some not so), I brought nyself to a place of womanhood where the only person I looked to save me is ME!!!!!
Listen up ladies, nobody is responsible for your happiness but you. I get that when we enter into a relationship we have asked our Prince Charming to save the day for us, but it's not very fair if we put that on them now, is it? NO!
The abused becomes sexualized or demoralized (verbally) and feels that sex, or being verbally abused, is the only way we can get someone to love us. And, as we get older, we start to shift into that space where we recognize that sex doesn't bring us emotionally closer. Getting closer emotionally brings us to sex.
We can't run around putting out and expecting a different result if we haven't set the standard first. We all are a privilege not a right. But because us ladies tend to run around in our "daddy issues", we wreak havoc on everyone else's life.
NOBODY IS GOING TO SAVE YOU BUT YOU! Time to put on your cape and become your own superhero!
So, here's what it looks like if you want to have happy, healthy relationships, with men and women alike. (Insert this is a really, REALLY good article for young folks, and so is the previous one as far as I'm concerned).
1) Stop dressing like your 16, and dress your age (and if you're 16, try dressing like a lady. Sexy is a confidence space, not a slutty clothes space - insert there is nothing wrong with dressing sexy, but there's a difference between slutty and sexy). Guys see tits and ass and that's how they are going to see you. Show them your brains, your talents (outside the bedroom), and what values you hold dear in your life.
2) Stop putting out after the first, second, or third date and beyond. Hell, my husband didn't get there until we were three months in and he had been screened by friends and family (I had to learn to trust my judgment). A space of intimacy is truly "into me see". You can't tell what someone is like even after three months, but you sure can get a general idea. And, if you are knowingly walking into a one night stand, don't you dare for one minute think that because you have put out the guy is going to change his mind. This RARELY works, and you have just set yourself up for selling yourself short.
3) Start getting to know you. What do you like? What don't you like? What do you value in yourself? Another person? A relationship? What talents do you have? What are your strengths? What are your weaknesses?
4) Don't think that getting yourself knocked up is going to keep a man. Trust me, it rarely ever works and now you are left with a tie to someone that doesn't love you. Sound like fun? Whether you are 14 or 45, it DOESN'T work! And stop saying, "I accidentally got pregnant". All of the tools to prevent pregnancy are available to anyone! You got yourself knocked up for your own selfish reasons without any forethought to the implications and longstanding impact.
5) You have the right to say, "No", to anything or anyone that devalues you.
6) Stop being so bloody nice! If there are unacceptable behaviors going on in yourself, or others, speak up! We don't have to be the mothers and wives of yore who put up with it because the man makes the money. We are no longer cattle and should no longer allow others to treat us as such. If you are out on a first or second date, and you are getting bad vibes....RUN! Unless, of course, you want a life lesson, which can be valuable too, but be smart enough to know when someone leaves a sinking/sick feeling in your belly, that's the "bad vibe" and the Universe trying to tell you, "Don't do it unless you want to get hurt."
7) Start taking responsibility for the choices YOU are making!! And I have a PRIME example of this in an extended family member. This young lady got herself knocked up early for the sake of trying to keep a man and has been running to mommy and daddy ever since, or boyfriend du jour, because she can't get her financial shit (or relationship shit for that matter too) together because it's "everybody else's" fault. (I get it, we have all needed help, and we should be able to turn to family in times of need, but it should not be an EXPECTED space and we should want some drive to handle our own financial matters). GROW UP! We all make choices from the time we are little, and it's up to ourselves and our parents to create awareness that our choices land us exactly where we are at. So stop lying to yourself, lying to others, and take a really, REALLY good look at what YOU are doing to create the situation you are in.
8) Stop selling yourself short! We (notice WE, not they) are running around allowing society to tell us how we should look, feel or be. We are all individual beings with our own individual flare. Some of us are big, some of us are small, and some of us have started not to give a care at all!
This is my wish and hope for you....be yourself, express your needs, and say "No" to anything or anyone that diverts you from your course.
So get your big girl panties on and turn yourself into the Goddess you so rightly deserve to be and stop blaming others for your unhappiness!
Nuf Said!
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