Well, it's almost here, the end of 2010. I am not going to go into too many details, but I truly am grateful for a really hellish year, but I am also glad to start 2011. It's a 4 year (add the numbers together). 4 symbolizes stability (just think of a chair with four legs). I know I have predicted war, but within our homes, people will be turning to each other for the purest form of love we have. Each other. If it weren't for my family (and my friends that are like family), I would be nobody. I could not have been forged into the person I am today.
If one believes we reincarnate (which I do), it is believed we plan charts prior to coming down into this existence in order to experience certain things. I have discovered that my main path (no matter which incarnation I take) is one of love and help. Those are my two main themes. I also chose a congenital disease called Lymphedema (I look like I have puffy pregnancy feet all the time). I have had it since I was twelve and all the markers were there from birth, they just didn't get discovered until then. Anyways, it seems as of late, I am at the age where illness, death, and dying are all around me. As an empath, I am told, and can verify, that I carry the weight of the world on my shoulders. I want to fix everything for everyone. I want my family healthy, I want my children happy, I don't like seeing people cry, etc. etc. etc. But, the tool I've been missing is how to empathize and do what I do so well, without carrying it. I have been told to put on a psychic suit of armour as it were. Gird my loins, (wo)man up. And in the quest to do so, I started meditating weeks ago. It has been the best thing I could have ever done. I'll tell you why, but I have to give you back story on how I came to start meditating for the full scope of my situation as of late. SQUEAMISH ALERT: I start the next paragraph off with female details, but I am not bashful as none of us should be.
At the beginning of this year, I had to have what my Gynecologist deemed an emergency hysterectomy. Turns out I had what I suspected. Adenomyosis. Endometriosis is a common diagnosis in women where endometrial tissue grows outside of the uterus (painful). Well, Adenomyosis is the same thing, only it happens IN the uterine muscle. This would happen cyclically. The end result was me being hospitalized once a month for two months leading up to my surgery, morphine and gravol drip et al. Recently, I have been diagnosed with Myofascial Pain Syndrome (aka MPS). It's one of those catchalls when they can't figure out what the heck is going on for you. It came on after my choking accident in July (and yes, I did almost die). My symptoms range from legs that feel like they are a Tens Machine at rest (you know those little electrical devices Physiotherapists use). I have leg twitches (poor husband tells me about it and as of late they've stopped thanks to meds) that are about to be confirmed with Restless Leg Syndrome. MPS has many different symptoms. For me, I can tell you the pressure has changed and a storm is coming in. I get a shroud of pain that starts at my shoulders and covers my head like someone is squeezing it. Along with this, I get what are called satellite pains. They happen anywhere. For me, the most common these days are my hips and my hands. I also get to have Irritable Bowel Syndrome. I have not been without symptoms since July of this year. Are we getting the picture of my year yet? Not quite? Well, how's this for a kick you in the teeth moment. Friends of the family just spent their Christmas with two of their children at home with family while they tend to their middle child's stomach tumor and more. The child is all of 10. So, what do all these rotten things have in common? How I've had one hell of an amazing year.
You see, I've had to keep plugging away, but I've also had to find the balance to take care of me. Honor the not so good days, and thoroughly enjoy the good days. But guess what? Even my not so days are good days too. I've been doing alot of reading as of late, and am learning alot about the path I chose prior to here, and what gifts I have been able to bring into this incarnation. I can commune with loved ones passed. I can also see things in the future, and I am starting to show signs of a true energy or Light worker. When I am quiet, I hear what is necessary. During meditation, I scan myself, and commune with my guides, my angels, my loved ones. Accepting this wholeheartedly has been a very scary step, but worth every step of the way.
I've still been able to work with my hands, and as I keep doing what I do, amazing things have come to the forefront. Just how capable I am as an intuitive. One of the most important messages that has come through for me, is that I can no longer be bound by my past and the ways of it. I have arrived in new form, and in good humor. Every little blip on the radar gets its human reaction from me, but the reactions are less reactive. Instead of crying for three days over the dear little boy, I cried myself to sleep, and when I woke up in the morning, I came to a new realization. While, still a little upset here and there, and a little teary (who wouldn't be if a child was at an Exit Point), this is how life is. We are born, we live, and we die. I don't mean that to be callous, its just I feel we need to start looking at it a different way (or not, it's up to you). We come down for a pre-mapped human experience, and we return home. Home is a perfect place where existence is whole. No ailments, no challenges, just lots of knowledge and love. We are left behind, yearning for home when our loved ones leave us. It is a grievous time. But we must remember, our loved ones NEVER leave us. They are our angels in the outfield. They can always hear you, and they'll almost always come when called. There are some that take awhile to come through, but it's all for very good reason (I'll explain in another blog at another time). Just know they will come to you eventually. No prayer goes unheard as messengers will relay to those needing rest before visiting in spirit form.
Still waiting for the positive in all of this? See, as an Intuitive, I wasn't raised or trained as an intuitive. I was just a girl, walking through the world like all the other children out there. My intuitiveness would show up every so often (particularly at puberty and true coming of age - 21). Then I put it on ignore for my learning lessons except for a few key times until about 1997. From then on, spreading my intuitive wings began to happen more and more. Of course, I decided to try on a few sidebars along the way until present. Settled with a loving husband and (step)children and settled into MPS. MPS has left me no choice but to be still some days, no matter how much I want to go. On those days, I grab a good book, put on my flannel pajamas, and do small things throughout the day, but mostly rest. Winter has really hurt. However, every morning I have started meditating, turning to alternative means to help along the way of this painful and interesting journey.
I consider myself to finally be in training, as truly learning to hear all that needs to be said requires stillness. It also requires me to put on my psychic suit of armor and protect myself from other energy I run into during my days. At the end of my days, I wash it all away in a warm shower. This also greatly helps my MPS. Anyways, during my still time I learn about myself and allow myself to be open to all work necessary. What's come to light is detaching ego from true self. Thank Goodness for Eckhart Tolle's: A New Earth. Through these experiences going on at the moment, I am finding myself less and less triggered in all the ways that cause me more physical dis-ease, and have really started what I'd call a healthy detachment. My heart aches for dear one, but once I stand aside as it were, and examine the situation for what it is, some of the pain is taken away. You can be sad and not carry it. It is possible. I've discovered as an intuitive, instead of being a conduit, I have been a sponge. I am learning the difference and am in training for that. I have stopped a dog from having seizures. He went four months without having one and it has now been two months since a tune up at that time. I give him tune ups every so often just to be safe.
Through all of this adversity, I have learned to count my blessings, and see things as they truly are. I am not ill, I am being given the opportunity to listen and follow my true calling. I will still do what I do, but now there will be more. I can help loved ones reach passed loved ones. I can adjust chakras, I can help pets. I would have learned no skills had I not been forced to be quiet more often than not. This year has truly been a blessing. I have learned so much, and I am so grateful I could cry (and do sometimes). My dog is no longer sick and comes to visit me every so often from the other side, I am starting to medical scan (interesting without a Ph. D. attached, thank goodness for massage so I can say I do have some understanding), and am starting to help others out with their intuitiveness. Ever since I was a little girl, I can remember wishing for a magic shop. One where potions and lotions, and readings and circles would all occur. While I may not have that shop, I have my gifts, and I am ready to start sharing with the world. If I hadn't been told to slow down and truly listen, I wouldn't be where I am today. Telling you this story of how grateful I am for a truly horrible year. The experiences have made me so much stronger than I have EVER been.
Namaste
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