So, in an effort to brave life head on, I am going to share a very intimate story with you.
DISCLAIMER: This is very sensitive information not for young eyes.
I had to have a colonoscopy yesterday. Yes, I've said it. A colonoscopy. I had been in the hospital last week with severe stomach pain. A CT had ruled out a kidney issue (I was born with one for those who didn't know that), and an ultrasound had ruled out ovary issues during last week's 24-hour visit. So, the only two tests to run were first, a colonoscopy; and second, a laproscopy. The colonoscopy happened yesterday as stated above.
When the amazing specialist came in for her pre-procedure chat, we went through history and then she ran some palpation. Turned out I have a trigger point in my groin and everything is still recovering from my hysterectomy last year. Scar tissue is a be-atch! Anyways, the doc asked me if I still wanted to go through with the procedure as she was sure she wouldn't find anything. I looked at her and said, "I'm here, we'll still do this." Besides, I just finished a NASA experience 24 hours before with Go-Lytely (I wonder if the people recommending this have ever taken it, there is nothing "lyte" about it). Just google Billy Connolly talking about a colonoscopy. He has it down perfect! Anyways, the doc agreed given all the physical ailments presenting themselves as of late. Besides, I needed to have diverticulitis clearly ruled out. It was.
However, I looked at my post-op sheet upon waking to be told they found a polyp. News I wasn't expecting. At first, and I think it was the post-drugged state, I didn't think it really bothered me. Today, I found myself a blubbering mess, scared that now I have to wait for news of whether it is benign or not. The idea scares the living daylights out of me.
With that said though, when the tears finished, my new thought pattern in training came through. It was that new found strength I've had from deep inside. The one that says after moments like this, "It's okay to be scared, you weren't expecting that. Thanks for honoring the feelings, you won't cry about it anymore." It is the Will of the Spirit that sustains us at moment's like this. And I have to tell you, I believe I have one HELL of a spirit.
The other thing I realized that I needed to do was not be afraid to share this story. I have walked around "pussyfooting" as it were, for all my life. Worrying about alarming people, worrying about whether people like me or not, etc. etc. Well, no more. This is my moment of finding out who I really am and what I'm really made of. I'm sure I'll have my moments throughout this process called life. But I'm okay with that too. I'm beginning to realize that emotions are a beautiful thing. While they don't have to be overwhelming, emotions can be very healing. To love is to be human. And love can be shown with so many different emotions.
I have a life that is very important to me. Regardless of what ailments I might have signed up for. I can't be afraid to have my pity party or shed a few tears, but I also have to have the strength to dust myself off and get going again. Of course, once we get my meds right for the AS, ha ha ha!!!!!
It's so fun. I think I have reached my physical ailment Trifecta! How appropriate seems how within all of us are three sides - masculine, feminine, and spirit. It is the Yin and Yang of life. None of us have it easy over here. None of us are immune to the human experience. None of us. But what we do with this experience is up to us. Regardless of loss, illness, or hardship, it is our personal responsibility to dust ourselves off, stop wallowing in self pity and realize that there is more to life than what's going wrong. We have to look at what's going right.
I've been told I have a way of sugar-coating the truth. I don't consider it sugar-coating. If I were to run around being negative and telling it like it is without being loving about it, then I am not contributing to a healthier planet. I don't want to be one of those people running around spouting off about all the things going wrong. I've written this blog because I am 41 years old and had to have a colonoscopy. The usual age the Canadian Cancer Society recommends someone go in for a colonoscopy is 50. Could you imagine if I hadn't had a scope for another 9 years? What would my polyp have done? It may have been too late. I write this particular blog for two very important reasons. My life and the sake of others. Things have got to improve on this planet when it comes to medical care. And maybe, just by being brave enough to share this story, it may spur others on to become better advocates for their healthcare. We have been given the precious gift of life. We have the right to live happy and fulfilled lives. Part of that happy and fulfilled life is our strong will to survive as human beings on this planet, no matter what the hardship. I am grateful to be alive. Are you?
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